Ever since I left that unfulfilling job, I went into the deepest introspection of my life thus far..
The pay cut was a setback but pay is different for everyone, in addition to their expenses.
Everyone is on their separate path, it’s different for everyone.
So a pay cut, isn’t so much of a “big” deal..
It’s just a minor setback that was caused by my resignation.
Being in that building reminded me of all the things I didn’t like about myself:
The people there reminded me of the times I let myself get taken advantage of,
and that was such a painful thing to be reminded of.
I wasn’t growing. I was doing the same thing every day with little to look forward to every week.
I was missing out on valuable time with my family.
I didn’t feel like I was contributing to anything greater than myself.
It felt like insanity, with no result in further happiness.
I felt myself deteriorating, becoming less and less happy with my life.
I thought the depression was bad in middle school, but when I was at this job..
It was so much worse. It was mental torture. And the daily tasks made it worse.
I feel so useless to society. I felt like I had little worth,
with little to live for.
It was a dark place. I didn’t think I would see an end of the hamster wheel of darkness, not until I left.
And so I did.
I had enough. And one thing is for sure.
When I left, the obligation of going to a place I hated for a good portion of my day/life was gone. Eliminated.
I didn’t have that dreadful feeling of a dreading my life any more.
I am so glad I left.
But the money was good. Hah.
It’s not easy to find starting wages like that on a regular basis.
I tell myself it was just a minor setback.
I’ll work at my own pace. It happens.
Some climb up the ladder
and they fall back down.
Then they find themselves trying to climb back up another one.
This job will be a better one.
I will feel a bit more useful than the previous one.
I hope that I will be able to do more than just this.
I will not accept a life of mediocrity.
There’s more to life than just this.
There’s more I can do with my life than just get bossed around doing things I absolutely hate.
There’s more to this.
Fuck the setbacks. I’ll move forward.