Push Forward

I am so upset with myself for not putting in the effort.
For not believing in myself enough.
And for not pushing myself forward.

If I don’t get my sh*t together now, I will surely regret the wasted time.

So what do I want?
I have to work for this.

Recently, I’ve been offered two jobs that pay by the hour.
One is going back to another monotonous job
and the other holds more variety. I will choose that one.
Both offer “decent” wages, higher than minimum wage of $7.25,
which is enough to keep me off the streets.

I often wonder what it’s like, the struggle of working a minimum wage job(s).
What it takes to make ends meet.. and the quality of life that comes with that.

I will start a position with a Health Service company, coordinating prescriptions for patients. And I believe I will enjoy it.

So that part of my life will be covered..

I will not be stressing over that area of my life anymore.

Home. Check.
Car. Check.
Job. Check.
Food. Check.

But what’s missing?

Now that all my basic physiological needs are met and I’m starting a new job..
I am hoping my life will get better and I will find a sort of fulfillment out of what is to come.

But underneath the job, there is something more to be accomplished.
And it will continue to scratch at me until I get there.

It’s fulfillment.

That’s what I want.

And the new employment is nice. Hopefully it will be fulfilling.
I will feel useful, like I am contributing to something much larger, a greater good.
Rather than just sitting at a computer desk for my entire work day, typing data or collecting payments day-in-and-day-out.. feeling like I’m wasting my life.
I will be contributing to a service which allows patients to receive their medication via mail.

So what other type of fulfillment am I looking for?!

That’s something only I can answer. 🙂
I think that comes with influencing, educating.
More to come on that…

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