Figuratively of course..
I am so upset with myself for not putting in the effort.
For not believing in myself enough.
And for not pushing myself forward.
If I don’t get my sh*t together now, I will surely regret the wasted time.
So what do I want?
I have to work for this.
Recently, I’ve been offered two jobs that pay by the hour.
One is going back to another monotonous job
and the other holds more variety. I will choose that one.
Both offer “decent” wages, higher than minimum wage of $7.25,
which is enough to keep me off the streets.
I often wonder what it’s like, the struggle of working a minimum wage job(s).
What it takes to make ends meet.. and the quality of life that comes with that.
I will start a position with a Health Service company, coordinating prescriptions for patients. And I believe I will enjoy it.
So that part of my life will be covered..
I will not be stressing over that area of my life anymore.
But what’s missing?
Now that all my basic physiological needs are met and I’m starting a new job..
I am hoping my life will get better and I will find a sort of fulfillment out of what is to come.
But underneath the job, there is something more to be accomplished.
And it will continue to scratch at me until I get there.
That’s what I want.
And the new employment is nice. Hopefully it will be fulfilling.
I will feel useful, like I am contributing to something much larger, a greater good.
Rather than just sitting at a computer desk for my entire work day, typing data or collecting payments day-in-and-day-out.. feeling like I’m wasting my life.
I will be contributing to a service which allows patients to receive their medication via mail.
So what other type of fulfillment am I looking for?!
That’s something only I can answer. 🙂
I think that comes with influencing, educating.
More to come on that…
As much as I care about the world around me like the warming oceans, the major pollution (carbon, plastic, etc.), the obstructions that face human rights… I know that we are far from where we need in order to consider human beings as “civilized”.
I have passion for these things. I have a strong desire to do more within these fields. I just don’t think some of these things are worth fighting for anymore.
The interests are more about the money than they are to evolve.
In order to make real change, there needs to be more than just a few groups of people scattered here and there.
It takes loads of people who want to see real change, get together to create that global impact.
Passion is only a percentage, but it’s a start.
The part I need to work on is to keep going and refine my best methods of expression in which I can create real, effective, and positive change in the world I live in.
With the world as evolved as it has, I am proud to say that we (as humans) have come far.. I am glad to be part of it. And there is much to be worked on.
Of all the humans that have walked this earth, nearly all fields have been dominated..
However, there is something missing.. Something from me.
What can I produce?
I have not contributed as much as I’d like to.
Remaining authentic to myself in all the work that I produce is what I aim for.
There doesn’t need to be anyone that has to like the work I produce, but the point is to have produced something.
What will I have to show for?
I’m not getting the right nutrients for me to grow as a person.
I’ve noticed this for a while. Sometimes you think the people in your life want to help you be the best person you can possibly be, but when I look around.. I’ve actually gotten a lot of discouragement from people who haven’t done as much with their lives.
I’m out here trying to maximize the potential and value of my life. I’m not out here trying to settle for a mediocre life.
So I say reject discouragement
but at the same time,
accept it as encouragement.
Feed yourself the proper nutrient, self-talk, and encouragement necessary to grow. That’s what you truly need to grow.