Tag Archives: Overcoming Obstacles

Minor Setbacks

Ever since I left that unfulfilling job, I went into the deepest introspection of my life thus far..
The pay cut was a setback but pay is different for everyone, in addition to their expenses.
Everyone is on their separate path, it’s different for everyone.
So a pay cut, isn’t so much of a “big” deal..
It’s just a minor setback that was caused by my resignation.

Being in that building reminded me of all the things I didn’t like about myself:
The people there reminded me of the times I let myself get taken advantage of,
and that was such a painful thing to be reminded of.

I wasn’t growing. I was doing the same thing every day with little to look forward to every week.
I was missing out on valuable time with my family.
I didn’t feel like I was contributing to anything greater than myself.
It felt like insanity, with no result in further happiness.
I felt myself deteriorating, becoming less and less happy with my life.

I thought the depression was bad in middle school, but when I was at this job..
It was so much worse. It was mental torture. And the daily tasks made it worse.
I feel so useless to society. I felt like I had little worth,
with little to live for.

It was a dark place. I didn’t think I would see an end of the hamster wheel of darkness, not until I left.
And so I did.

I had enough. And one thing is for sure.
When I left, the obligation of going to a place I hated for a good portion of my day/life was gone. Eliminated.
I didn’t have that dreadful feeling of a dreading my life any more.

I am so glad I left.

But the money was good. Hah.
It’s not easy to find starting wages like that on a regular basis.

I tell myself it was just a minor setback.
I’ll work at my own pace. It happens.

Some climb up the ladder
and they fall back down.
Then they find themselves trying to climb back up another one.

This job will be a better one.
I will feel a bit more useful than the previous one.

I hope that I will be able to do more than just this.
I will not accept a life of mediocrity.

There’s more to life than just this.
There’s more I can do with my life than just get bossed around doing things I absolutely hate.

There’s more to this.

Fuck the setbacks. I’ll move forward.

My biggest killer…

My biggest killer is thinking that I’m not capable of obtaining anything that I desire, that I am not able to accomplish because I just don’t know enough.. It’s deadly.

My dreams start to dissolve.

I’m starting to sink back into it, this feeling that I’m wasting precious time. Time that I don’t even know how I should be spending.

I feel like I’m stuck with no idea what I should be doing. Yeah, I could find a better job.. something other than stacking boxes.
I could find a way to make money online. But how? There are so many ways to make money online. I just don’t know where to start.

All I want to think about is how sad I am in regards to what is happening in this country and all around the world.

I don’t know what the f*ck I’m supposed to be doing with my life and how to make anything profitable like my writing for instance or a clothing store.

One thing is for sure though, I know that

I am not alone 

in feeling this way.

Many people feel stuck.
And we don’t necessarily know who or where to turn to for help..

Authentic

With the world as evolved as it has, I am proud to say that we (as humans) have come far.. I am glad to be part of it. And there is much to be worked on.
Of all the humans that have walked this earth, nearly all fields have been dominated..
However, there is something missing.. Something from me.

What can I produce?
I have not contributed as much as I’d like to.

Remaining authentic to myself in all the work that I produce is what I aim for.
There doesn’t need to be anyone that has to like the work I produce, but the point is to have produced something.

What will I have to show for?

I DON’T NEED YOUR DISCOURAGEMENT

I’m not getting the right nutrients for me to grow as a person.

I’ve noticed this for a while. Sometimes you think the people in your life want to help you be the best person you can possibly be, but when I look around.. I’ve actually gotten a lot of discouragement from people who haven’t done as much with their lives.

I’m out here trying to maximize the potential and value of my life. I’m not out here trying to settle for a mediocre life.

So I say reject discouragement 
but at the same time,
accept it as encouragement.
Feed yourself the proper nutrient, self-talk, and encouragement necessary to grow. That’s what you truly need to grow.

USE IT AS FUEL!

Clinical Study

While participating in a clinical research study, I took into account the staff members and what they did to test some new ketamine medicine. I thought about their careers and their certifications to be conducting the study. I thought about how the pharmaceutical company created the drug.

I have had A LOT of time to think.

It hadn’t started out from just there. While keying mail for hours on end, with the exception of taking short breaks between each hour, I continued to think about my future and of what use I am to the world.

This forward thinking has been going on for months, maybe years.

I have found that everything that I have ever seen, ever been through, and experienced.. It’s is all part of my life plan.

All the pain that I’ve felt and have witnessed can now be seen as stepping stones.
And this, will move me forward.